She walks on water

Michelle McGrane · Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:50 am Post subject: She walks on water

She walks on water

It is dusk.
The air is heavy with salt spray and kelp.
The seagull's tongue is dumb.
Dark wings hide the face
of the madonna on the beach.

Twin silver starfish lift a long skirt,
reveal pale knees, a cerulean scarf
flutters in the breeze. Unseen
mercury eels seeth in her currents.
The moon is a gaping mouth.

She turns away from
the promenade's ice-cream smiles
and waving kites,
shrugs off the leer
of the dirty weekend hotel
moored in the harbour's grimy embrace.
She climbs out of her pink shell
to swallow the bruised mountain.

Once more,
her spirit becomes a sail.
Her eyes are the horizon.
Her feet are freighters from foreign ports.

She walks on water.
She walks on water.

Her bare white limbs shine
with phosphorescence.
The stars lean over to sing a softer song,
plant kisses on her forehead. Slow time.

In the dazed morning haze
the air is heavy with salt spray and kelp.
Wisps of fog drift in with the waves.
A cerulean strand washes up on the sand
amid splintered timber, plastic wrappings,
sodden cigarette butts.
From his guanos-stained perch aloft a jiving mast,
the seagull keeps her secret.

BudhistMonk55 · Guest

I love the line: 'The seagull's tongue is dumb.' So understated, a well crafted image that is almost taoist!

Great poem.

clairesummers · Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:18 pm Post subject:

I loved this, love the pace and rhythm.
_________________
Love to all,
Claire Summers xxx

writemoves · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 14 Location: Manchester, UK

Michelle McGrane · Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:20 am Post subject: Thank you

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.

x Michelle

+++ · Guest

Interesting to see someone writing religious-vision poetry in 2008. Have you read much of <a>Southwell</a>?

On to the poem ...

It is dusk.
The air is heavy with salt spray and kelp.
The seagull's tongue is dumb.
Dark wings hide the face
of the madonna on the beach.

***
Agree with the poster above about the sea-gull's tongue being v. good.

I can see that the air would be heavy with salt spray, but would it not be heavier with the smell of kelp or the dampness of it? The idea of it being 'thick with kelp' brings to mind an atmosphere literally full of kelp.

I'm also wondering which dark wings are hiding the Madonna's face - are they her wings, or the wings of the seagulls (and if so, are they flocking but in silence because it is the madonna?) or are the dark wings a metaphor for the dusk?

***
Twin silver starfish lift a long skirt,
reveal pale knees, a cerulean scarf
flutters in the breeze. Unseen
mercury eels seeth in her currents.
The moon is a gaping mouth.

The commar after knees here threw me slightly. I think your sense here is that the starfish lift up the skirt and reveal the knees, and then the scarf flutters ... what the commar and the placement of the line period at 'scarf' suggest is that they reveal the knees and the scarf in the same place.

'Mercury eels' is good, but are they seething in the sea or in the madonna, and what does it mean to be in her currents? Is she producing currents in the water? I also wonder if eels seethe or, for example, flicker (if they're excited by the presence of the madonna then perhaps indeed they do seethe).

I do not know how closely the moon resembles a gaping mouth. It is round, but I'd have said it looks more like a skull or shell. Is it a full moon or a half-moon, etc?

***

She turns away from
the promenade's ice-cream smiles
and waving kites,
shrugs off the leer
of the dirty weekend hotel
moored in the harbour's grimy embrace.
She climbs out of her pink shell
to swallow the bruised mountain.

Now the idea of the madonna turning away from the sea-side tat is very good (via Graham Greene?) but if it is dusk, would there still be ice-cream smiles and waving kites around to turn away from? I wonder if a hotel can be moored. Perhaps if the metaphor works in itself it is made a little awkward by the fact that nearby there would be boats literally moored ... although of course the harbour does indeed have an embrace (because of the shape of it, which is another good observation) and with all the sea-weed and slime up the walls it is certainly grimy.

I'm not sure what is meant by the bruised mountain. Is this a scene from the bible? Also, climbing out of a shell ... earlier she appeared to be standing on the beach, although perhaps this was an assumption I made. I didn't get a sense of her being in a shell. Also (and I'm only labouring the point because it's a good poem) I associate climbing out of shells with aphrodite, whereas moons and the virgin mary go back to Isis, <a>Artemis</a>, &c.

***
Now here in the evocative/ritual part I think all is healthy:

Once more,
her spirit becomes a sail.
Her eyes are the horizon.
Her feet are freighters from foreign ports.

She walks on water.
She walks on water.

Her bare white limbs shine
with phosphorescence.
The stars lean over to sing a softer song,
plant kisses on her forehead. Slow time.